If you are reading this on Friday the 20th July then today is the day I am in for day surgery for a lumpectomy in my left breast. (I’m actually writing this on the 15th as the topic for this post on gratitude came to me today while I was out walking the dogs in the brilliant winter sun).
So when this sort of thing occurs, lumps et al, it DOES give pause for thought, as some of you already know, I’m sure. And what I thought about was life, death and the whole damn thing.
If people around me are talking about the best parts of their lives and what they’d relive again, I always say I wouldn’t go through ANY of it again – my life to me has always been a bit of a hard yard. And my Aries-driven character is always headed forward, onwards and upwards.
But even though it’s been a bit of a slog for me there definitely are things that I’m really grateful for in retrospect and present-spect. I’ll list some them here.
A partial list of gratitudes
An artistic trait from my parents I haven’t quite mastered yet at 54
Love of animals
enough lovers to provide plenty of Collette memories in sunset years
A willingness to go where other fools have gone
Resilience (born from banging my head on lots of brick walls)
3 marriages out of which I gained the following music – h#1 introduced me to Sonny Terry & Browny McGhee, so all the old roots blues, h#2 to Santana and h#3 to more 60s soul and “white” blues
My house here
The loyal friends who have stuck with me over the decades
These two websites that I now own, the latest being a site dedicated to learning the tarot cards http://tarotnancy.com.au
This town and my patience in settling into it – it takes at least 18 months before you relax in a new town if you’re naturally an introvert like me
Living in different countries overseas
Love of multiculturalism
An active mind and a generally generous heart
I could go on and on. I’m grateful for the life that I’ve led and the people I’ve loved and who have loved me. It’s been a challenge for most of it but the common factor in the whole 54 years has been me so the hard stuff is my responsibility and I’m only just coming into a more mellow and stable section now.
It’s most likely that the lump is fibrous as it’s been making itself known for years now – so I don’t really feel nervous about results. I certainly don’t like the idea of being cut but I DO like the idea of it being OUT!
I learnt today that I’m a glass half-full kind of gal. When I filled up the car with $40 worth, I looked at the gauge and thought “it’s half-full”. This part of my life is turning into a wonderful process of new growth for me – I’m mellowing and panicking far less. I’m learning to love the solitude I find is my cup, and that abundance is mine in all ways.
I will look on the surgery as the removal of old crap out of my life, with the flesh around it closing in to become whole and healthy, and I leave the entire procedure to the universe which only ever wants our eternal happiness.